artanis: (TR Reboot: Lara)
Packing is going alright. Slow, but alright. I'm slowly becoming okay with the fact that we're heading back to Tennessee. We have a few plans in place for when we get there, so hopefully everything will go somewhat smoothly.

The biggest thing is that I'm planning on going back to school. After doing a lot of thinking and talking about it, I've decided to go back to become a teacher, though I'm still undecided on the type that I want to be. Part of me wants to teach middle/high school history, and the other part of me wants to stick with general education for elementary school kids, specifically kindergarten or first grade. My fiance's old college is near where we'll be living and has an excellent education program so we'll see how that goes.

I've been working on a few crochet projects in my spare time just to use up some of my extra yarn. I have a couple of hats in the works, along with a "brain-dead" throw. Maybe I'm finally getting my motivation back, which is weird considering the circumstances...

I also took a short break from Guild Wars 2, but now I'm back into it. I'm mostly sticking with World vs. World with my fiance for right now, but it's still a lot of fun. Some of the fights against the other servers are ridiculous, and we're almost always outnumbered, but still... plenty of fun times. It's doing a lot to take my mind off of the bad things.
artanis: (Mirror's Edge: Faith on the Edge)
So it's been decided.

We're leaving.

... I'm not really sure how I'm feeling at the moment. Defeated, mostly.
artanis: (Mirror's Edge: Faith on the Edge)
A post on my Facebook feed reminded me that we were in Saint Charles, IL exactly one year ago. We had an awesome time together just enjoying a weekend away with each other.

And right now? I hate everything about our lives.

This job my fiance tried isn't working out, so he's giving it one last push on Monday with another company. He'll have to drive nearly to Detroit (3 hours one way) just for the chance, but it's worth it if it means we can get back up on our feet. Otherwise, we're moving back to Tennessee to live with his mom.

I also had an argument with my mom at the end of February, so she went on a power trip and had my nephew put in daycare, taking away our only source of income. She'll deny it, but that's exactly what happened (and I have written proof). I've reached a breaking point with her manipulation and guilt-tripping, so I'm not really on speaking terms with her at the moment. I've only talked to her once in the last month, and that conversation quickly turned into her denying she did anything wrong and putting herself as some martyr. Eh... it's just one big mess that I don't feel like dwelling on.

On top of that, we may be cancelling the wedding. I'm sad about that. We've been together for nearly 11 years, so marriage ultimately won't change anything, but it's something we've wanted for a long time. Maybe in the future, once things get better.

It's funny how things change over the course of a year. I was so happy about everything last year, and now I just want to crawl under my blankets and watch the world go by.
artanis: (TR Reboot: Lara)
My efforts to wake up early last week were cut short. I came down with a cold early last week and it pretty much knocked me on my ass. I'm mostly over it now, though I think I may have an ear infection or something. It's not fun, but I'm not going to use it as an excuse; I'm getting right back up on that horse this week. So there.

With any luck, my fiance will be ready to start his sales this weekend. I've got my fingers crossed for him.

Guild Wars 2 has been pretty fun with our group so far. After getting to 80, I decided that I didn't want to main an Elementalist, so I'm leveling up a Ranger to tag along with the group. We also managed to get two more people from my fiance's gaming group interested in the game, so now there's seven of us running around and leveling. It should be fun when the majority of them get to 30 and we can start running dungeons a bit more.

And as a final note, peanut butter cookies will be made tomorrow! Yay!
artanis: (She-Ra: Princess)
I am so bad about this update thing.

I am happy to report that I've actually started working on those goals I posted in my last entry. I joined a guild on Guild Wars 2 (granted, it's made up of my fiance and mutual friends), and I woke up early this morning to get a walk in before the day really started. It's a small step, but yay, progress!

The other good news is that my fiance may finally have some income. He found a company that he likes to hire him as an independent agent. It's a commission-based job, but at least it's something right now. And it puts his insurance licenses to good use.

I've also put some thought into going back to school. There's a college around here that does baking classes, and the idea is pretty appealing to me. I've always wanted to open up my own little bakery for sweet, delicious, cavity-inducing goodness, or, at the very least, work in one. Mmm, sweet breakfasts...
artanis: (Mirror's Edge: Faith on the Edge)
Another new year, another attempt at changes.

I was looking through some of my old entries and realized just how little I managed to accomplish this year. A lot dreams that I kept putting off and random failures, but there's not really a point to dwelling on the negative now, right? Right.

I will do at least one craft show this year. I have the time, along with the means and motivation. My craft stashes have been sorted and projects have already been started.

I will be able to run a 5k this year. Maybe not an official race, but I will manage to make myself run three miles. I have a route mapped out from my walks last summer that works out perfectly. I don't care if it takes me an hour to run it, I'm doing it this year.

Being more social. I never open up to conversations, even online. This journal has no added friends on it. I've quit playing decent MMOs due to not having a guild. I've been a member of Ravelry since 2008, yet I've never even made one post on any of the forums. Why? Because I'm too shy and embarrassed to put myself out there. This needs to stop.

My body won't beat me. Over the past year I've managed to lose nearly 50 pounds. While I recognize that it's a lot of weight gone, it's still not enough for me. I know it's a cliche goal, but with the wedding coming up, I can't think of a better time to get back into the swing of things.

Get back to cooking. I've slacked off a lot when it comes to preparing meals at home, especially during the holidays. It's easy to just grab a frozen meal or fast food while we're out, but I miss real food.

Sort all the things, especially clothes. My closet's a mess. That's really all that needs to be said about that.

It's not every goal I have, but it's something to start with. Hopefully this year will be a good one.
artanis: (She-Ra: Princess)
So, the blanket is finally (mostly) done. All that's left is to weave in the ends and take photos. I'm so ridiculously happy that I stuck with it and finished in time for Christmas. It's a huge weight off my shoulders.

I'm on a bit of a "crocheter's high" right now, so I started going through my stash to organize everything. All of my yarns are going to be sorted by fiber type and color, with half-finished projects either being completed or frogged (if I can't identify what it was supposed to be). I'm planning on adding all of my yarn and books to my Ravelry stash and library as well.

On another, even happier note, my fiance has an interview scheduled for tomorrow morning. Even if he doesn't get accepted for the position, I'm really happy for him for even getting an interview so quickly in the first place.

It might actually turn out to be a good end to the year after all.
artanis: (Mirror's Edge: Faith on the Edge)
My fiance lost his job on Friday. We're trying to look at it semi-positively, though. He wasn't too happy with that job, plus he was driving nearly an hour to work each day (and another hour back home). From my understanding, his co-workers weren't that great, either.

Merry Christmas to us, I guess.

Since my Christmas crafting is nearly complete (10 more rows on that damn blanket!), I'm going to start making some stuff to (hopefully) sell in order to give us a bit of income. I still have the money I'm making every week by babysitting my nephew, but that's not nearly enough. I'm not expecting to make a fortune, but at least a few extra dollars will help... assuming anyone wants anything I make. I'm working on getting my camera working again, so I may consider Etsy or something similar, too. Honestly, I've wanted to start selling my crafts for a long time, so I think this is just the kick in the pants I needed to get me started.

We'll see how everything works out. Fingers crossed.
artanis: (Default)
I keep meaning to update, but I always manage to get distracted. By the time I remember, I end up getting distracted again... I'll get out of the cycle one of these days.

I'm nearly done with the blanket I'm making for my niece's Christmas present. Assuming I keep at it, I should be done by the end of the week (hopefully). And then I can move on to other projects, like getting a head-start on gifts for next year. Of course, I say that every year, and yet...

Speaking of Christmas, it really doesn't feel like it should be happening in two weeks, does it? I haven't even started shopping for my family yet. I should really get on that.

Oh, some good news! My fiance and I got tickets to go see a concert with some friends at the end of January. It's a video game concert put on by one of the area symphonies; not quite Video Games Live, but it should be close. I'm excited. :)

What else?

Uh... Guild Wars 2 has been sucking away my extra free time again. I nearly have my Guardian to 80, after which I plan on finishing up with my Mesmer's leveling, too. Oh, so much to do...

Well, I guess that about wraps it up for now. I have laundry waiting and a few rows of blanket to do.
artanis: (TR Reboot: Lara)
Preparations are now underway for our yearly Halloween get-together. I know it'll be fun but I'm kind of dreading it, if only because that means moving my crafting clutter from one end of the house to the other to get it out of the way. :) I know my family gets a kick out of it, though. They all live in the country and don't get any trick-or-treaters, so coming into town and passing out candy is a bit of fun for everyone (and I don't get stuck buying all the candy!).

Over the weekend, my fiance and I rented and beat Resident Evil 6. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about the game, and any feelings I do have aren't very good ones. We started with Leon's campaign and actually kind of liked it, but then it quickly devolved into us having to force ourselves to even start and finish both Chris and Jake's campaigns; I did Ada's campaign on my own (single player only, of course). Mercenaries was the best part of the game, but even that was lacking.

I think my biggest complaint was the lack of a "real" quick-turn. Yeah, you could run, slide, and whip around that way, but it was just awkward and inefficient. So, Capcom... if things aren't broken, don't fix them, okay?

Anyway... bedtime soon. I have my nephew early in the morning.
artanis: (She-Ra: Princess)
As if it weren't obvious, I took a break again. It wasn't on purpose, exactly... I just have a very boring life and nothing fun or interesting to write about. :)

The wedding planning is coming along well. We've booked the ceremony and reception site, gotten the officiant, started making the centerpieces and bouquets (yay for my mom being crafty!), and we'll (hopefully) be booking a photographer this weekend. I know there's still a lot more to do, but we're getting there.

My sister started her first "real" job last week, so I've been watching my nephew on the days she has to go in. He just turned two at the beginning of the month and he's just as busy as ever. We go for walks every day that I have him, and watch Sesame Street, and color, and play with cars, and throw a ball around in the yard... it's fun being able to let loose for awhile.

I'm still semi-prepping for a craft show in November, or at least getting stock set for a show next year. I also have Christmas projects I need to get working on. My motivation sucks.
artanis: (Default)
I woke up early this morning so I decided to take a walk along the trail near our house. Normally I'd see one or two other people there, but I guess it was too early in the day because I was the only one there. It was kind of nice, actually... very quiet.

I must've been feeling better today because I saw a deer on the path, and my first thought was of GLaDOS' deer quote in Portal 2. Maybe I'll let my fiance sit in the living room while I tell him about the time I saw the deer.

I'm not even really sure what to do with the rest of my day. I guess that's the downside of waking up early.
artanis: (She-Ra: Princess)
Yesterday I joined Fitocracy. It seems like a fun place to get motivated to exercise, since I've been so bad about that lately. We'll see how it goes.

My mom's been pressuring me to go wedding dress shopping. Part of me wants to, but the other part of me just isn't ready for that yet. I seriously dislike my body, probably even more so now that I've lost some weight. Why? I have no idea.

Either way, on Friday I have to go to David's Bridal with my mom and sister so that she can try on dresses and I can find a bridesmaid dress (my sister's getting married next year, too). I have a feeling that I'll be talked into trying on a gown or two... and that will cause me to feel terrible about myself for the rest of the weekend. Ugh.

Think positive thoughts... think positive thoughts...

:(
artanis: (She-Ra: Princess)
Tonight was my fiance's last day of work at the call center. He starts his new job on Monday. He's really excited and I'm really happy for him. :)

Before he got home, he texted me to ask if I would make a small something for one of his supervisors as a parting gift. He found a pattern for a tiny crochet Pufferfish that he thought she would like, so I went ahead and made one. I'll probably make another one before the night's over... or maybe two more!

I also feel like making myself a bracelet or something.
artanis: (Yellow Spring)
So, Diablo 3 arrived two weeks ago, which resulted in me vanishing from the internet and real life for quite awhile. Unfortunately, I'm not as far into the game as I'd have liked to be since I have to manage multiple characters for multiple play sessions (a solo character, one I play with my fiance, and one I play with a group).

After such a long wait, I feel bad saying that the game really didn't live up to my expectations. I think the worst part is the story, which seemed really forced and cliche. Oh, well... it just launched, so I'll give them time to work the kinks out.

In other news, we weren't home much at all this weekend. On Saturday we went to a White Caps baseball game with my family and then to Steak 'n Shake afterwards. Sunday was spent with friends - we saw The Avengers (first time for them, second for us), then went to their house for pizza and visiting. We didn't get home until nearly 1:00 AM both days. Yesterday was a cookout at my parents' house, but that only lasted for a few hours.

Well... back to killing demons.
artanis: (Default)
So, with less than a week left before we head to Saint Charles, Illinois, I end up catching a cold or something. It's mostly my throat, which I suppose is a semi-good thing; the last thing I want is to be blowing my nose and coughing during the Video Games Live concert. Still, I'll be picking up extra throat lozenges at the store tonight, just in case.

It still sucks, though. I woke up this morning hardly able to talk, but it's a little better now that I've had some hot tea and honey. I just hope this goes away by the time we leave on Friday morning.

On a brighter note, we went shopping on Saturday and bought some nice clothes for the concert. My fiance got his first real suit - as in, a new suit that actually fits him instead of mismatched hand-me-downs. He was in the men's department of JC Penney for over an hour, being measured and fawned over by an associate who helped him with everything - suit, tie, socks, shirt, shoes, etc. Given some of my previous (bad) experience at that particular store (which, to be fair, was years ago), I was really impressed with the salesman. Yeah, I know he's just looking to make a sale, but it felt like he really went beyond what he needed to do, and my fiance walked away a lot happier knowing that he's "gonna look good" (his words). I think he already looks good, but it's a nice confidence boost for him anyway.

I was going to try finding a dress for myself there, but I honestly felt a little intimidated when I walked around. Even with the changes I've been making, I'm still not comfortable enough with my body to talk around the plus-sized section of a normal store... I just get the feeling that everyone's staring at me, so I'd rather go to a full plus-sized store and fit in with everyone else. I'm not sure if that makes any sense out loud or not, but... that's how it is, I suppose.

We ended up at Lane Bryant since it was close by. A nice woman working there helped me guesstimate my size (since I had no clue), and helped me pick out five or so dresses that might work. I didn't think the size she guessed would fit, so I was pretty damn shocked when it fit perfectly. I think I almost cried in the dressing room because, OMG, I'm actually developing curves. I just never noticed before because I hide myself underneath really baggy clothing. Out of the five dresses, I narrowed it down to three that I liked, and bought two of those three. The third dress, that I loved more than the others, wasn't available at the store in my "new" size (the one I tried on was a size smaller and only a little tight in the chest - the rest fit perfect!), and it wouldn't have gotten here in time for our trip if I'd ordered it. Sad, but I decided that it'll be my reward for sticking with these changes I'm making and I'm going to order it in the smaller size that I tried on in the store when I reach that point. So there. :)

Concert dress
A shrug for the concert dress, except mine's in pink
Second dress
Potential reward dress

Tonight we're heading out to find some shoes for me, as well as picking up any extra things we might need for the trip. So excited!
artanis: (Default)
My computer died earlier this week. It had still been freezing up, as always, and I think my hard drive had finally had enough and just died. Fortunately, it's not completely dead, so I'm able to retrieve some data from it, but it can't be used right now. Just to save us the trouble, my fiance ordered a new hard drive for me until we can isolate the overall problem.

During my PC-less week, I ended up renting Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning. I had heard good things about it, and I sure as hell was not disappointed. A little predictable, yes, but the combat is really fluid and fun. I have to take it back tonight, but I'll probably end up buying it if I can find it on sale.

My fiance and I also got tickets to see Video Games Live in Saint Charles, Illinois. I'm really excited about that, since it'll be the first real vacation we've taken together that didn't involve either of our families. We're also going to see a show at Medieval Times, as well as spend some time sight-seeing in Chicago.

Oh, and best thing ever about today? My fiance went to McDonald's tonight and got me a Pinkie Pie toy. :)
artanis: (MLP: FiM Pinkie Pie 1)
A bit of a slow day today.

Last night I made this strawberry mousse for tonight's dessert, since it was our bi-monthly dinner at my parents' house. My mom ended up having to cancel and move dinner to next week, so my fiance and I will be eating mousse all week long. I'm somehow okay with this. :)

We didn't have any other plans, so I decided to make something for my niece and nephew for Valentine's Day. I had a big box of 96 crayons that I bought last year and hadn't done anything with, so I melted them down into larger crayons using my silicone baking trays. I know my niece will get a kick out of the shapes and colors, but I mostly had my nephew in mind when I made them since crayons are a little hard for him to hold onto (he's almost 18 months old).

I kind of want to go buy more crayons to melt now.
artanis: (She-Ra: Princess)
So, a new year. I'm a bit late with writing about it, but that's just how it goes sometimes.

New Year's Eve was spent at home with my fiance. We decided to order a huge pizza, cuddle up on the couch, and watch the entire extended edition of The Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back. We started around 5:45 PM and finished at nearly 5:30 AM; I was exhausted. I think we were both starting to lose it near the end of The Return of the King, but we survived! Woo!

Neither of us are big into making resolutions, but we did sit down last week and talk about what goals we want to work toward this year. We both decided that saving for a down payment on a house was a priority, since we want to start a family after our wedding next year and we just don't have the room for it. He's also been wanting a different job that doesn't make him feel so miserable each day, and I have a crafting business that I've wanted to do, but haven't had the nerve to actually do it yet.

I haven't shared my personal fitness goals with him, but I think he knows what I want to accomplish. My first personal goal is to put a large dent in my Walk to Rivendell mileage. I've already managed to do more these past two weeks than I had when I first started, so that's a good sign.

My second goal, which ties into the first one, is to start training for a 5k. I'm still working on walking those three miles, though I'm getting better and faster. I hope that I'll be able to run a decent distance by this summer, and maybe do the local Turkey Trot 5k in November. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Lastly, I want to get to a point where I feel comfortable enough with my body to go try on wedding dresses. I've put off wedding plans for over two years because of how uncomfortable I am with my size, but I can't do it anymore. I'm not going to let that beat me.

Yay, motivation.
artanis: (MLP: FiM Rarity)
After a day of relaxing, I think I've finally recovered from Christmas.

I woke up earlier than what I'd wanted to on Christmas morning, all thanks to my cold. My fiance woke up shortly afterward, so I made us some hot tea and we exchanged presents. He spoiled me rotten this year, I swear. He got me the extended edition Blu-ray set of The Lord of the Rings, a hardcover copy of The Hobbit, and a gorgeous necklace with a blue topaz stone. I think the necklace was the most surprising thing; we've been together for over eight years, and he's never gotten me jewelry. Granted, I never ask for it, but still... it was really thoughtful of him, and I love it so much.

As for gifts I gave to him: Two PS3 games (Ace Combat: Assault Horizon and Metal Gear Solid 4 - both games he'd specifically asked for), a demotivational calendar from ThinkGeek, a replica of the 10th Doctor's sonic screwdriver (also from ThinkGeek), the Invincible CD by Two Steps from Hell, a miniature remote-control helicopter, and a set of 3 display swords. I probably spent more than I should have, but Christmas is the one time of year I'm able to afford to spoil him a bit. My fiance really deserves it for supporting me and the decisions I've made over the years.

My parents had dinner at their house again this year. We had the usual Christmas dinner - turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, etc. My Aunt Pat and her son were there, which was surprising since they never show up to family functions. My grandpa was also supposed to call from California to talk to my sister and I, but he didn't. I can't say I'm too surprised by that one, though. I haven't spoken to him since I was in sixth grade, and he really hasn't shown an interest in his own children's lives, let alone his grandchildren. Regardless, we had a good time with my family and made sure to bring home plenty of leftovers.

Now to just start making holiday plans for next year...

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